The Shadow Yoga workshop has come to an end. Last-night was the final class and it was the most amazing out of all. The first 5 were spent on breaking down each section and learning them and re-learning them, so this class we got to actually flow through the sequence, twice. The energy that was created was so magnificant. In complete silence, we danced from pose to pose pushing and pulling vibrant Qi into our body. For those of you that don't know what Qi is, pronounced Chi, is life energy, life force or energy flow. When you still your mind and listen to your breath internally you can feel this Qi radiate from your body and all around you..hold your hands in a circle you can feel the energy within that circle swirling around touching each fingertip and the palms of your hands, it's such a beautiful thing.
Towards the end of class I had so much Qi moving through my body that I broke down, I cried for the last 1/2 hour of class, sobbing tears dripping down my face. Part because it felt so beautiful and part because of what is happening my life. The fear of letting go, the fear of not knowing where someone is or what's next, the fear of what was that was so beautiful is all of a sudden ripped from you like it was never there and you're left with questions that can't be answered and a hole in your heart and in your mind. I was grateful for the experience I had through this whole class and last-night. I was supposed to meet a friend for a drink afterwards to catch up but after the experience called and canceled so I could go home and journal instead. I spent a good hour meditating on right now, the positives, the negatives and what I truly want in life. By the time I was done I felt a bit better but still had that fear in me.
Fear is a hard thing to let go of, we all fear towards something. Whether it be fear of love, fear of commitment, fear of what's next, fear of being happy, fear of being unhappy, fear of moving..it all comes down to fear of the unknown. We all want to know what's next, where is our life going, why can't we have the answer to where we are meant to be and what we want to do? For some, it's hard to figure this out with another in their life. This is where staying present comes in, focus on what you have right here, right now in this moment and how beautiful it is. Just remember that there is ALWAYS something beautiful to look forward to. There is a lot I am grateful for right now and that is going to yoga tonight with my friend Tami, going to a movie tomorrow night with my friend Mary, going to Solvang Saturday to wine taste and get my fortune read with my friend Jenny, seeing my sister and brother-in-law in San Diego for Christmas and for their big move to the Bay Area at the end of this month, and going to see my sister and my cutest most lovable nephew in Denver for New Years. Each and every one of us is blessed in so many ways, count yours! : )
This Holiday Season, spread your cheer of love towards everyone you know, even those you don't know. And smile and laugh and forget about the past. It's known that once you smile and laugh you feel better on the inside and look prettier on the outside.